Dear. Moma

Thank you

Thank you for that time when I was sick and I threw up all over the place and you cleaned it all up.

Thank you for the heartwarming words that you spoke to me that kept the monsters away at night and made me feel like I was worth something

Thank you for your love when I thought no one loved me.

Thank you for bearing with me all these years

Thank you for always putting the family before yourself. I honestly can’t remember the last time you bought a new dress for yourself. But I can remember the last time you went out of your way to make us all so happy. And somehow it’s enough for you.

Thank you for building forts with me in the vacant lot behind our house and thank you for crying with me when they got torn down by construction workers.

Thank you for always crying with me

Thank you for always being with me, you have always been on my side even when imp against me. You really have a way with showing the true light in people. You know how to make people smile.

And you make us smile without money. You are simple plain and the most humble down to earth woman I know.

When people first glance at you they see that you don't have fancy rings, earrings and sparkling jewelry. Smothered with nice expensive clothing. however once they get to know you they see you for who you really are. And you are wonderful. You brighten up the whole room. And everyone wants to be your friend because of who you are and how wonderful of a person you are.

Thank you for your word of wisdom. I don't know if you know this but I have lots of deep conversations with all my friends and a lot of people come to me to talk. and people ask me how have I learned to become such a great talker and become so loving. And I know that I get it all from you. You have tough me how to become such a great person and a great friend. 

You are the best friend any one could have

I look back on this senior year a think. "I didn't really have any friends"

But what I do remember is that I become so much closer to you. And honestly that is so much better that any high schooler friend I could have made.

Thank you! I honestly can’t express that enough 

I really can’t.

 I looked on Facebook today to see what people have said about their moms. 

And to see that none of them talked about how plain their mother is or how soft spoken and always wanting others to be happy before their own sufficient needs. It made me really humbled and happy. I love you so much mom. Thank you for everything.

Thank you for everything and raising such wonderful kids that know how to succeed in life.

We owe all of our success to you. None of us would be where we are if it wasn’t for a single parent mother that put her friend’s family and most of all her kids before herself and taught us all the true meaning of the golden rule. You are the greatest example of what a mother really is in my life.

I love you mom. Thank you for everything.        Love always – your little Kobly Bear.

child hood dreams broken and cut.

Well the vacant lot sold be hind my house just recently
i think im happy. a house there would be nice i mean its an ideal place to put one.
in the midst of all those trees.
all those trees! we planted all of those trees. they were so small and now they are so tall and strong.
and every time i look at them i can tell you all the memories that go with each one.
i can tell you of secret forts and of birds nests with sleeping chicks in the summer time.
we can lay beneath their shady leafs and eat otter pops and listen to sweet music sung by birds
lets see how high we can get. we can get so high we can taste the sky and feel free
"we are so high i can see my house from here i remember exclaiming!"
which really was quite stupid of a joke seeing as how they were the trees in just the next lot over.
with no house in between.
but i am happy to see a house go up.
i am older and have no time for the grand trees that stand so high in the back lot.
i am happy for who ever gets to live in that lot and feel as i once did.
and turns out they have kids!
young children with racing imaginations as i once did.
these trees will serve them well. and with birth many new ideas and vast journeys of the young vast imagination.
i can rest easy knowing that the trees will be in good hands.


one morning i woke up late. it was around 11 o'clock am. but it was a weekend so never mind that being late. i went up stairs to get some cereal and i looked out my back window to find the most dreadful site.
they were being chopped down.
the trees of my childhood were being chopped down and there was nothing i could do but curse the day.
but what of the children i exclaimed they loved the trees and the mother she even said she loved the trees. and with out the trees its just like any other piece of property.
my mom had called the mother of the children that were to be living in this home in this back lot and asked her why they were chopping down the great trees.
the mother sadly told us of how her husband and landscaper had convinced her to chop them down.
and how the landscaper had said that they were trash trees and only had a few years left in them.
to hell with that as if. we bought those trees and planted them our self's they were strong trees and were going to go the distance but then you had to come along and chop them down.
my mother and i cried that day.
you had to go out there and chop down my child hoop memories as if my memories were trash and only had a few years left in them.
but no. they were all gone. chopped and ground into wood chips. there was a load of wood chips that they didn't need so they left it to us.
we will spread it through our yard.
our cold dead yard where the ground is lined with dead child hood memories and renascences of grand trees that tasted the sky.

~

well i wrote a very well written one liner that i proofread and proof read and proof read and then i added something and i dint like it so i pressed ctrl z (thinking it would just get rid of what was just added like it usually dose) and it replaced it with another blog post so i thought it just moved me over to another post so i closed it and it saved the other post over the really good proof read one.
so now im really really pissed and i just got back form the most pissed of walk ever.
so if i ever work up enough courage to face my anxiety of rewriting another one which will probably be never. here is this what ever this is.
i guess its just a place holder so i got points as sad as that is.

have a lovely day beoches!

1,2,3,4,5,6

always, sing in your own voice

it is good to be good

i read to you on Saturdays

were all born to broken people

im all made out of shipwrecks

we only have what we remember

Anxiety

Anxiety is an unpleasant state of inner turmoil, often accompanied by nervous behavior, such as pacing back and forth, somatic complaints and rumination.^[2] It is the subjectively unpleasant feelings of dread over something unlikely to happen, such as the feeling of imminent death.^[3] Anxiety is feeling unrealistic fear, worry, and uneasiness, usually generalized and unfocused.^[4] It is often accompanied by restlessness, fatigue, problems in concentration, and musclular tension. Anxiety is not the same as fear, which is felt about something realistically intimidating.^[5] Anxiety is not considered to be a normal reaction to a perceived stressor although many feel it occasionally. When anxiety becomes overwhelming and distressing to the sufferer, it may fall under the psychiatric diagnosis ofanxiety disorder.^[6] Anxiety is not the same as fear. Fear is evoked by a realistic danger and is an appropriate response to a perceived threat, while anxiety is worry or overreaction to a situation that is only subjectively seen as menacing.^[5]

i often times think to much causing me lots of anxiety. But is my mind not a realistic danger. I enjoy the mind games i play and the constant head aches. they keep me busy. but anxiety. anxiety is all that is keeping me from allowing my dreams and mind from becoming a reality.

cigarets & mysterious love

straight of the plain i was is a whirling blow of culture shock and pure whoa of excitement.it was slightly raining but more of a warm over cast like a warm bath. i rented my self a car and on my first day i was ticketed for being late. but sens i was cool with the boss i was let off the hook but just this one time. i was honestly stoked to be there, wasn't to sure about my class. you seen i really didn't have any friends in the class like fiend friends. i had the head bob, science buddy and "watch my back during PE dodge ball buddies but not really anyone to talk with about them and them about me.



all i had was the boss. so i was pretty attentive through out the day because honestly he was the only man i was there to see. the next day was pretty alright he was on this rant about how kids should drop the class. see the thing was, was that there were kids taking the class because they herd it was an easy class and had no intentions of taking anything he said seriously. they were there for the credit. and he had kids wanting to get in but they couldn't because the class was full already. i was still very engaged and ready to write and look into peoples souls through poetry. But over all the class was still looking up and i was happy with it although my boss has a very cluttered and ugly room. i feel like it has more potential for creativity. but o well class was good. i walked out the door out on to the streets and thought about how i could change the room up a bit. is that a sin i technically was messing with pairs but i was expanding on creativity. i think its okay because once you start putting rules on creativity it all goes wrong. i cant put anything before my creativity. no. not even Paris.
i must say though Paris. Paris is where i tasted true poetry. and it tasted so good. Paris is what made me love lyrics to songs so much more and notice things about them even more. i also feel like Pairs is partially responsible for my recent love for rap. that and Conner Bartlet. good kid. I definitely miss the music scene back home but out here it is so different and peculiar and the way they perfectly pronounce their words and speak art from their mouths. it just beautiful.
because of pairs i bought into reading and bought books. yes i spent money on books things i hadn't read sens the BFG and other 5th and 6th grade reader books. I opened up a whole new world to me and i started to learn because i wanted knowledge. I stopped caring about letter grade and more about the knowledge i was consuming and the memories i was creating and i was always trying to go on new adventures. i felt more free than ever i felt like school was fun. at first Paris was like any other class but then i started learning and loving learning and i learned to love Paris. hahah Paris where i bought into learning those were good times. Every morning we began class with the daily news going on and then i had a coffee and listened to what the boss had to say. although i was very annoyed at some of the students some times. Listen to me and mark my words when i say listen to what  Nelson has to say. and he has a lot to say at that. but yeah the boss will let you have a lot of freedoms like having your phone out and stuff like that. but listen to what the guys has to say it is usually always pretty good stuff. once again to that man sitting next to me please stop talking while Nelson is pulling out his paper and writing it all down. it is beautiful and you are killing it. i feel like these are the kids that should have transferred out. i got mad at them the other day and they were pretty rude back to me . they were not a fan of what i had to say. and i was tired and pissed because they just had to much to say. and then i was mad because i missed what Nelson had to say or he stopped because no one was paying any attention and these kids suck.



ahhhhh. please if you have something to say
there are points in time where you will be able to talk. just not now.
one particular day i walked into class and watched a video about a woman who talked to us about being alone. being alone and being perfectly content with that. i watched a woman with one one around her live the most content and happy life. it was what i needed to see i was having a hard time due to not having any of my friends in Paris let a lone the whole school with me. but this year. this year i learned how to be alone, and be pretty happy with that.wondering Paris was fabulous if i could have changed anything i would have made my self a little more motivated tp get blogs done on time. but senior year got to me first. i loved this class and i loved my class and what i learned form it. i leaned a lot about myself. and that makes me so happy.

rap by: KILLER, URBAN, BEATS, INCORPORATED!!!!

once there was a pretty flower
who was actually a girl
who was actually a really cute girl
who was actually  my girl

Baby! this one is for you!

you
you
you have such great style
its as long and as vast as the nile
your eyes shine bright
which causes explosions in my soul like mass quantities of imported goods such as dynamite
your thighs are very nice
do you eat a lot of rice?   (because i herd that stuff is good for you)
im digin those collar bones
there white sleek and sexy just like star wars clones
your like my pinky toe your small and cute
and ill probably bang you on the coffee table later tonight!!!
(hola!)
you have the most peculiarly sexy eye brows
what the heck! don't be a slut!, cover up and stop showing off your wow wow's!
we made fcking vows!
so stop making my dood friends arous..(ed)!!!!!
listen, listen, im sorry i lost my temper baby
i think i got bit with something called a raby
but never mind that back to you
your hair smells great like peach shampoo.....(p) hehehe jk
your hair is really lush
GO GEORGE BUSH!!!!!!
your legs are really smooth
so let me give you a massage with lotion to sooth
your mood is really feisty
i bet you drive a Ferrari!     (because that is what feisty people drive!!)
and please please don't get me started on that butt
because that is an unholy  to talk about and ill feel a burning in my bosom (aka god will smite me in the gut)
baby your the only one for me
its like the relationship between Bruce LEE and his tyChi or was it karoTEE.
well. alls in alls all im trying to say is baby i love you!
and i hope you love me too!

Word.

Nigga please.

Holla!!!

an original brought to you by yours truly

K.U.B.I.

KILLER, URBAN, BEATS, INCORPORATED!!!!